When you're gone

Hello Sunday....

It is hard to believe it is already Sunday... I am not sure where the days go, but they go by fast. Seth and I have had a slow weekend. Friday night we did pizza and a movie and had a good time. I enjoyed my lunch with Nicole on Saturday, got some homework done (as did Seth). We did manage to get Ike a much needed bath, and then spent the rest of the afternoon and evening just chillin'
My only plans for today are to finish reading my chapter in Biology and get a little bit of housework done.

I spent alot of that "chillin'" time trying to figure out WHY this deployment seems so hard. I came to this conclusion: time! The more years that pass, the more my love for Doug grows, making separation that much harder. We were dating the first two, only been married a few months on the third and a few years on the fourth. So here we are on the fifth, and will be married seven years in July, been together for 10 years now, so there you have it! Time. Time can be responsible for such much, good and bad. Time heals all wounds. Time is of the essence. Many cliches that go along with time. Time does all that, for me the time has allowed my love for Doug to grow, and for time I am grateful. I do my best to make the most of my time with Doug and not dwell on the negative. After all, I am a glass half full kinda gal!

Distance and time only causes me to love Doug more, and my respect for him grows for the dedication to his job and country. I try to look at it as a good thing, my heart breaks more now that he is gone, because my heart is full of more love for him everyday.

So there you have it, time!


It is like anything else, you "put on your big girl panties and deal", and that is what I will do.

Now that will make you smile

There is so much joy in knowing the one you love thinks of you, loves you and knows your habits....
Doug left "comments cards" in random places throughout the house, strategically placed in areas that I "frequent" in the house. One in the laundry, in a bathroom drawer, on a mirror in the guest bathroom.
It is one of those things that makes you feel special, thought of and loved so much.

Thanks for being you Doug. I love you ♥

Lunch was tasty!

Had a nice lunch with Nicole. I love Chipotle. I had the veggie burrito bowl - it was very yummy. Had a nice convo with Nicole and it was nice to see her again.
I was surprised by another phone call from Doug, that was really great. I am always happy for any and all calls :) ♥

Well to get on with my day and start to study... The thrill of photosynthesis... Can this day get any better? hehee

Top O' the Mornin'

Good morning y'all! Well I feel more rested today. I tried to stay awake longer last night so I would sleep in a little. And that worked. I got about seven hours of sleep. Can't complain about that, right?
I am working on my third cup of coffee - normally I just have two - but I have not trained my brain to make coffee for one yet... So I find myself going in for a third and fourth cup...
You can't really complain when you are awakened by the phone ringing and you get to talk to the one you miss! ♥~♥
Seth and I had a good night last night we got a pizza from Papa Murphy's - and I don't recall the last time I bought one from there, but it was tasty! We got the Veggie Deluxe and cheesestix. While eating our pizza we watched the movie, Everybody's Fine, hello boohoo fest! I told Seth, I want something cute and funny. I should have done my research... We liked it but it was really sad and touching.
Today should be a good day. I am off here in a bit to meet with Seths x-girlfriend Nicole for lunch. She was always a pleasure to have around and I have to be honest - I kind of miss seeing here around.... so we decided to meet for lunch.
With that - I am outta here to get ready for the day.... lunch followed by reading about photosynthesis... Don't be jealous!

Feeling grateful for the small victoires!

I am so thrilled this morning - I was able to talk to Doug on ichat. So really not just talk, but see him. I did not expect to see him until next week sometime, so that was a real surprise and joy! I wish Seth had been up too talk to him also (hope he is not mad I did not wake him up).
Last night around midnight Doug called from a hotel, they were all there for the night because a pilot was snowed in from the NorthEast... GOOD on the side that I was able to talk to him and hopeful I would be able to do so again this morning (and I was) but BAD in the sense that he would have that much of a delay in getting to his final destination.
As expected it was rough to fall asleep last night - all alone, and it will be for a few nights. Like many others in my shoes, you just deal with it!

But to make myself feel like things are a little like "normal" I put some of his old pill bottles on his vanity so it seems like he is still home... pathetic, really...

So now I just wait to find out when he will fly out from his current location to head overseas.

Have a great day y'all - I'm gonna work on doing the same thing! ♥

Good night - the first of many without by BFF

Well tonight is just the first night of many with out Doug by my side. Life is always better when he is here, its funnier and fulfilled. But absence is just in the physical sense. He is always in my heart, always on my mind.
I was lucky tonight to pull back the bedding to find a letter from Doug. It made me happy and sad at the same time - you know that feeling, right? :)
And so it begins. I dread going to bed at this point, but tomorrow is a new day, and I still have to be a mom and student.
Duty calls for Doug, and me in a way too. Just a different duty.

Good night all. Sweet dreams

He is flying out today

Well today was the day, Doug is at the Army airfield ready to board a plane for his deployment. As always it will take several days for him to get to his final destination and for us to settle into a routine without him here.

You would think it would get easier each time, it gets harder. Today was a rough day - but I would not have it any other way. Some spouses do not go, becuase it is too hard, too sad. The reality is - it is hard and sad and all those emotions that go with the absence of someone you love. But I would rather be sad and see him for a few more hours than sit at home knowing he was so close and to not be near him.

We will both survive this one, just like we did the others. We focus on the positive and pray for a quick and safe return.

I love you Douglas - I will miss you everyday. Hurry home

The day arrives

The day has finally come for Doug to get on the plane. All week long you just wait for the day to arrive, hope it comes quick because the wait is sometimes unbearable. Last night I realized it did come to fast, and it was our last night together for a year.I found myself wishing we had more time, that it had NOT come as quick!
When I got up this morning I kept hearing the lyrics, "I'll keep holding on, I'll keep holding on...." Granted I don't even like that song, or recall who sings it, not sure all the lyrics apply - but it runs through my head this morning like a broken record!
We have a partner desk, and each morning we sit across from each other, talk, laugh, drink coffee. It is the little things that you miss, not just the absence of their presence.
As we prepare for our last morning together for about a year, the mood is somber, but we try to not let it consume us, but to enjoy the last few hours.
He will leave today and hopefully arrive at his destination by Sunday. It's not as easy as getting on a plane and landing at your destination - for these guys, it can take days and sometimes a week or more.
You just pray for safe travels, and for the year to fly by...
We love you Doug <3

Quickly it approaches...

Well the day is almost here. I am mixed with emotions of not wanting him to go, knowing he has to leave, and just wishing he would get on that plane. The sooner we get this going the sooner I can start the countdown for him to get home.

This is our 5th deployment. Two were shorter because of the unit he was in at the time. This and the other two were a year. People often ask me. "how do you do it" ... I don't really have an answer to that question. It just is, and I just do! The first two were the hardest, we were not married, only dating. The lines of communication at that time during the war were not at the level they are today. Couple that with me not being a "dependent" and suffice to day, I did not talk to him for those months! I sent a letter every day for both of those deployments. He tells me that is when he knew I was the one! I never stopped thinking about him, missing him, and he knew that by my constant communication. That accounted for two deployments!

Deployment 3, well my son and I had just got to Ft Gordon and he left shortly after we arrived. That was trying, I knew NO ONE - and nothing much of a military life as a spouse. We made it through just fine. I made friends, found a great church - and that is a huge piece of the puzzle. FRIENDS!

Deployment 4 was here at Ft Hood - his mom was sick, diagnosed with cancer. They did not have a replacement for him, so he had to go. I was in the same boat - new to the area, not a lot of friends, but with a finer understanding of the Army life. You take the small victories and focus on those things.

Here we are geared up for another deployment...

There are many others out there just like me (wives and husbands) that just make it through. We are proud of our spouses! And becuase of that - we stay strong!

Ike and Doug in the snow

Ahhhh snow

What a joy! After weeks of watching everyone else around us get snow, we finally got some today! There were rumors of it during the month of February, and as the month comes to an end - it arrived. For whatever reason, Doug decided he wanted snow and obsessed on the weather each time he thought we might get even a light dusting. Well when you are T-2 and you get the snow, well he is happy. We spent the day making snow angels, throwing snow balls and just thrilled that Ike loved playing in it too. Ike is our four legged son, a Jack Russell Terrier.
It is a priceless memory one that we will both treasure over the upcoming 12 months.
Well we are about to take off to dinner with dear friends and neighbors.
All said, in light of the upcoming departure, this was a great memory-making day!

Each day is precious

As callous as it sounds - you just want your spouse to go ahead and leave :) Why? The wait is sometimes more difficult than the departure. It is inevitable, and sometimes we find ourselves just anxious to get it started. I will miss you every day. I remember this day so vividly - and another one is upon us. You are my BFFL and PB. I love you Whirling Doylish!

With all the great memories since you have been home between deployments there is alot for me to remember. I will not stress on the hardship, or the loneliness, but I will recall the laughs and love and the memories we made. I will look forward to your return, and not dwell in your absence.

Counting down the days....

Well here we are in the time frame leading up to another deployment. Typically I am the partner to hold my feelings in until he is gone, I reserve my tears when I am alone. I try so hard to be strong for him before he is gone.
This time (number 5) I am finding it hard to hold back the angst of his upcoming departure. I find myself falling asleep with a tear in my eye, knowing that in a short period of time he will no longer lay by my side as I fall asleep.
Although this is a hard time, I am proud of what he is doing to serve his country and I pray for his safety and safe return.

At the end of the day, I am grateful for ichat and skype to keep in touch with the man I love.